


Homophobic Shuichi

by ToxicPineapple



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Coronavirus, Crack, Crack Fic, Gen, Homophobia, Homophobic Shuichi, Shuichi Fuckin Dies, god i fucking hate myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:55:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26096704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicPineapple/pseuds/ToxicPineapple
Summary: Kaede nods, rubbing the back of her neck. “Okay, uhm, okay, so, it turns out, uhm,” she clears her throat, “turns out I’m a lesbian, Shuichi.”There’s a moment of silence. Shuichi’s expression is blank. He doesn’t appear to know what to say.“Shuichi?” Kaede frowns. “Are you oka--”“I hate gay people,” Shuichi says.---Neb requested, and I delivered.
Relationships: Momota Kaito/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 61
Kudos: 140





	Homophobic Shuichi

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nebby_Webby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nebby_Webby/gifts).



> you wanted this

“Uhm, Shuichi,” Kaede messes with a strand of her hair. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Ah?” Shuichi looks up from his book, his brows raising mildly. He bumps the brim of his hat with the back of his wrist so that he can look at Kaede more directly, and shoots her a small smile. “Yes? What is it, Kaede?”

Kaede seems apprehensive. She looks down at the floor. “It’s something that I’ve wanted to tell you for a really long time, but have never known the words… you’re my best friend, though, so I figured that… you should know, y’know? Because it’s important to me.”

“Of course,” Shuichi gives Kaede a more reassuring smile. “I understand. You can tell me anything, alright? I won’t judge you for it.”

“You won’t?” Kaede taps her index fingers together, biting her lip.

“I won’t,” Shuichi reaffirms.

“You promise?”

“I  _ promise--  _ Kaede, just tell me what it is.”

Kaede nods, rubbing the back of her neck. “Okay, uhm, okay, so, it turns out, uhm,” she clears her throat, “turns out I’m a lesbian, Shuichi.”

There’s a moment of silence. Shuichi’s expression is blank. He doesn’t appear to know what to say.

“Shuichi?” Kaede frowns. “Are you oka--”

“I hate gay people,” Shuichi says.

Kaede blinks. “What?”

“I hate gay people,” Shuichi shrugs, like this should be self-evident. “One time a gay person pissed on my wife and I needed to use my AK-47 and make everything alright again.”

Brow furrowing, Kaede accuses, “But just last week I walked in on you making out with Kaito, what was tha--”

“We were wearing socks and we both said no homo beforehand,” Shuichi explains, rolling his eyes. “Clearly that doesn’t count. Sorry, Kaede, I know we’re best friends and all, but I just really hate gay people. I’m sorry that you had to find out this way.”

“But-- Shuichi, that doesn’t make any--”

Suddenly, the door breaks down, and in a cloud of smoke, Kaito appears. “Actually, I wasn’t wearing socks.”

“What?” Shuichi’s face pales.

“Nope, no socks,” Kaito nods his head. “And I crossed my fingers when I said no homo.”

“You crossed your fingers?” Shuichi repeats, his eyes going wide. “But-- bro, but bro, that means that we’re…”

“That’s right, bro,” Kaito closes his eyes, speaking solemnly. “We’re homosexual.”

“Fuck…” Shuichi breathes out, trailing off. He looks terribly distraught.

Kaede, uncomfortable, reaches out to comfort him. “It’s okay, Shuichi! I’m gay too, so maybe we can--”

“HAH! Wrong,” Shuichi looks up, grinning victoriously. “I still hate gay people! You forget that I also happen to hate myself!”

“Oh, I did forget that,” Kaede frowns.

“Motherfucker,” Kaito adds, helpfully.

“Pranked again by the epic gamer homophobe, Shuichi Saihara.” Shuichi looks awfully proud of himself. “Fuck gay people. All my homies hate gay people.”

Kaito sighs. “Guess there’s no choice. Cover your eyes, Kaede.”

Kaede does, and Kaito coughs on Shuichi, giving him Coronavirus and killing him tragically.

RIP.

“Was that technically a hate crime?” Kaede frowns at Kaito. “Since he’s gay?”

“Oh, no worries,” Kaito shrugs. “I was wearing socks.”

**Author's Note:**

> kaede did the bottom emoji

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [I punish Tox for her homophobic Shuichi sins ASMR](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26097418) by [puffinmuffin13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/puffinmuffin13/pseuds/puffinmuffin13)




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